Coffee and a night out

It's almost midnight, and I just got home! It was a fun saturday night....(wait for it), with my mom! Yes, my mom. Finally we can meet again with this family-quality time. I'm in need of such kind of hanging out haha. 

First, At around 7 PM we arrived at our friend's wedding. I cannot lie. I hunt for food. I had a hockey practice for hours, so I'm in a GREAT mood for food! A lot of food! (okay I think you get it, a lot of food hehe). So we eat. I have enough shame to only take one plate of food instead of two or three :P

After we congratulate the bride (aww), we took off and went straight to one of a coffee shop in D-Mall (one of a small-medium mall in our city, Depok). We were first thinking about what kind of place is good to hang out on this late hour. One with not so many crowd on it, and the drinks are great too. So we decided straight away without any debate: coffee.

Saturday night, the road must be pretty crowded, eh? It's like everyone's in the city just wanted to get out of the house; whether it's with their family or lover. We were trying to find a decent coffee shop, since we are both coffee addict-uh oh.

Anyway, this D-Mall thing was a nice idea. It was almost closing time, so not so many people were there, but the coffee shop that we went to was still open. So yay! Order some, and sit on a comfy sofa. Talk some of this and that, funny stories and such. It was so relaxing, I feel freshened.

Once again it is coming down to how you can really enjoy the moment that you have. Problems in life WILL always be there to knock at your doors, but it is all coming down to you at how you deal with it, how you confront it, and how you see it in your head. You let it get into you, you're ruined. Trust me. Just several hours ago I felt ruined, but thanks to this outing, I'm over it. I can think with a clear mind once again and forgive the person I had a fight with. Just be grateful for what I have, or whoever I have.

Anyway. As I was saying, I am grateful of our family, despite of everything. I believe that God is protecting us, there's always happiness that lies beneath every painful moment. Isha Allah. 

Here is the woman behind EVERYTHING that I have accomplished:

 

at one time on a road, mom was trying to make a U-turn of our car, 'mas-mas' that helps us take the detour said "thank you Bu Haji cantik" out loud after she gave him small change of coins. haha. I've been living for like 21 years but never once in my life have I ever received that kind of comment from that kind of people :|

So, good night all, have a pleasant weekend with family and friends! :) 

 warmth

i love the artistic corner of the room

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The World Muslimah 2013 and why You should join

Before going to the main article, I wanna make an entrance! haha check these pics out ;)

 The pretty fliers
photo courtesy: al khansa. yes, it's me ;)

Finalists! Which one am I, can you guess? ;)
photo courtesy: Dwi Fahmi

this is the top 5, aren't they beautiful? but what's important is that they are all beautiful inside. trust me, i know them well. from left to right: Rizkitha Aswinda (the special category winner: best Al Qur'an recitation), Nadila Fitria, the MC, Dwi Handayani (the 1st runner up), Nina Septiani (the 2012 winner), Anggun Hiasyah (the 2nd runner up)

photo courtesy: Dwi Fahmi

at the 3rd Muslim World Biz

It's been five days since the launching of the registration of the 3rd Annual World Muslimah! So have everyone registered yet? Do spread the good news and opportunity to all of your lady friend, if she is aged between 18 - 27 years old and wear hijab in the everyday life. For full information and registration, you can find it HERE with the link of registration HERE.

Why do you need to join this event? If you ask me, simply because it is a life changing experience. I've been trying to make it into the finalist since 2011 (didn't make it, oh well) but on 2012 Alhamdulillah I've been given such tremendous opportunity by Allah to be one of the 20 finalists.  

You will meet a lot of different girls around region, you made friendships (the lasting one), you get to be inspired and inspire them, because I tell you, they are all amazing with their own special talent. One example is my other blogger friend, Tasya, she is very talented shown by her blog here. Others, such as another friend of mine named Tita, I figured out that she was one of the participants of the Harvard National Model United Nations. For Lord's sake I almost chocked on my food when I saw her profile. But joining this event won't let you feel inferior. You got a chance to uplift your self-confidence, your humanity, and most importantly, your visions toward life. This one chance of life.

You'll learn so much. You will learn to work with other people; whilst your sincerity would be upgraded along the way. You see a lot of characteristics and you would definitely figure out your own. I'm not kidding, you would felt and be treated like a princess (haha but this is just like the bonus).

This is a good chance to create network and connections, driven new and creative ideas for the aftermath. For instance, I decided to create a project to publish a book that covers the story of me and some other finalist-friends. The story tells about who we were; how we got through the life challenges that hopefully will inspire a lot of people not to give up on their dreams; and most importantly, on their life. How we should be grateful of everything and make the best out of life. This is not about proving that I am better than You, but this is about making statement that with my specialty and yours, together we can make impactful changes. 

So good luck and have a great applications! ;)

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Dari sudut kereta

Aku bisa merasakan berbagai jenis energi yang terpancar keluar dari masing-masing orang —walaupun kebanyakan energi tersebut adalah negatif.

Muka ditekuk, terkadang mata pun tertutup. Nggak peduli kalau sedang berdiri, banyak orang disekeliling.

Setiap dari mereka memiliki langkah kakinya masing-masing, dengan tujuannya masing-masing. Siapa bilang orang Indonesia pemalas? Coba tengok peron stasiun arah Jakarta sejak pukul 6 pagi. Semua sigap memasang badan, bersiap untuk melompat ke dalam kereta. Bergeser satu cm dari tempatnya berdiri pun tidak mau. Nanti diselak orang lain. Tidak akan mungkin kamu punya pikiran ‘aku tunggu kereta selanjutnya saja, yang ini penuh,’ karena kereta akan selalu penuh, dan akan semakin penuh pada saat-saat peak hours keberangkatan dan pulang kerja. 

Kembali ke kaki. Jadilah ia saksi mata akan perjuangan tiap-tiap empunya pada setiap hari. 

Banting tulang mencari nafkah untuk hidupi dirinya dan orang-orang terkasih. Oh, kereta semakin penuh.

Mata membelalak tatkala ada seorang yang tidak sengaja menginjak kakimu, namun kamu hanya bisa pasrah. Lelah. Mata pun kembali tertutup. Nggak peduli kalau sedang berdiri, banyak orang disekeliling. Toh di stasiun selanjutnya akan semakin banyak orang yang naik dan aku bisa semakin terlelap dalam tidur, bersandar pada tubuh-tubuh orang lain itu yang terhimpit bersama dengan tubuh lelahku. Aku seakan memiliki sandaran untuk tidurku yang berdiri ini. Berharap kereta akan cepat sampai tujuan. Rumah.

Tapi tidak hari ini.  
Untung aku dapat duduk di pojokan gerbong kereta, dekat pintu keluar. 

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Yang mana?

Berbagai hal dalam hidup itu tricky. Pada satu sisi kamu berusaha mencoba untuk membaca isi hatimu, menerka apa yang sebenarnya ingin kamu lakukan dalam hidup ini, atau dengan siapa kamu ingin bersama nanti, bagaimana kamu membayangkan orang yang sempurna untuk bisa dijadikan pasangan(i'm over this one. satisfied with one i have, no matter how often battlefield are created), atau pekerjaan hebat apa yang kamu inginkan nanti. Kiranya harus diperhatikan, bisa saja hal-hal yang tadi kamu bayangkan adalah wujud dari rasa kekurangbersyukuranmu atas hal-hal yang sudah kamu miliki dalam kehidupan. Apa yang kamu miliki saat ini mungkin merupakan hal terbaik yang terjadi dalam hidupmu. Atau lebih baik dari kondisi orang lain yang tidak seberuntung dirimu. Kalau kamu nggak setuju, minimal inilah yang sebenarnya terjadi pada kehidupan seseorang. Ya, pada kehidupan dan pikiranku. 

Terkadang kita memang dibutakan oleh kehebatan-kehebatan yang orang lain tunjukkan, sehingga kamu selalu merasa 'harusnya aku yang seperti itu, karena aku sebenarnya tidak kalah hebat dari dia'. Tapi tidak. Belum tahu kamu akan jerih payah dan pengorbanan yang orang lain itu buat untuk mencapai 'ketinggian' itu. 

Memang, tidak mengejar mimpi itu sesuatu yang disayangkan. Tapi membuang semua potensi yang telah ada di depan matamu, dengan berbagai kehadiran dan dukungan orang-orang di sekelilingmu yang kamu cintai, dan kamu pun beralih pada hal lain yang hanya 'kamu rasa' adalah sesuatu yang tepat untukmu, juga mungkin merupakan sesuatu yang disayangkan. Kurasa sudah saatnya aku merasionalkan semuanya, memikirkkan berbagai akibat serta plus-minus yang akan dirasakan oleh orang-orang yang berarti dalam hidupku apabila aku mengambil keputusan ini/ keputusan itu.

Jadi pertanyaannya, bisikan mimpi mana yang harus aku kejar?
 

sometimes it makes me sick of being too sentimental. but how else should i feel about it?  
and all i ever wanted to do is to make you proud, mom dad brother z.

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You are bigger than what you think

At this point, I feel like I need to get back to my previous writing style. Feeling like a bit changed along the way, but I'm back! 

So what is up?

This should be a quiet sad news for me, and for some people. I recently hand in a resignation letter of a-once-in-a-lifetime program. No, I'm not out of my mind. I know that I'll be missing a lot of opportunities; but hey, I got values to keep up with. I have passions to follow, and I have priorities to fulfill. If I go on, continuing this amazing program, I'm afraid I let got some of the most important thing in my life (which I have just realized also).

Some of the alumni have taught me to keep on with the program; as they were not looking for the best participant, but they look for the one that seems to be able to cope with the program, someone that could elevate himself after the program. 

I never thought about myself that way, until today. I have realized that all these times, I've been unfair to myself. I never valued myself that much. I always felt like I'm not as good as the other person, and so on. It turns out to be that all of those, are just in my mind. The self undermining is just in my head. It was said that they see me bigger than the way I see myself. So watch out, the only enemy we have to face all along might have been just ourselves. It also hit me when they said that there was the x factor in me, while I believe that everyone has their own x factor. Just in this case, mine fits the program. 

I felt terrible for leaving. And I can assure you that this is not me giving up, but me that tries to stand up with my believes and values. I have already make my commitment to families I have here, so yes, I'm dropping off what is supposed to be good (only) for me; but if I take it, I'll harm the people I care about the most.

Because I feel like I need to value myself more, I want to post a photo of mine. haha. no protest allowed :p

i wanna keep on doing this :')

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Refleksi (Lagi)

Setiap orang punya caranya masing-masing untuk melepaskan penat, merelakan pergi guratan-guratan tekanan yang selama ini memberatkan batin. Sebagai seorang muslim, salah satu cara terbaik adalah dengan membuka kembali pedoman hidup manusia yang diturunkan Allah melalui Nabi Muhammad SAW. Ya, ayat-ayat yang sering kita lupakan itu punya caranya sendiri untuk melumpuhkan hati manusia, dan membuatnya menangis memohon ampun dan belas kasih dariNya. Mengerti atau tidak mengerti akan artinya, selalu seperti ada tegangan-tegangan tersendiri untuk meluruhkan segala keangkuhan dan kekhawatiran batin manusia.

Manusia akan selalu mengeluh akan masa, hidup, dan alur waktu yang kian memberatkan. Termasuk aku. Selalu saja ada yang dijadikan kambing hitam untuk menyalahkan kehidupan, menuding bahwa ia tidak sempurna, penuh kekosongan dan keterpurukan. Itu semua adalah wujud dari kurangnya rasa bersyukur manusia. Daripada mengatakan "tugas akhir kuliah ini benar-benar membuat aku stres" kenapa nggak mengatakan "alhamdulillah aku masih bisa kuliah, aku masih bisa merasakan namanya tugas akhir. masih banyak orang-orang di luar sana yang nggak bisa merasakan untuk duduk di bangku perguruan tinggi."

Begitu juga halnya dengan orang-orang yang ada di sekeliling kita. Seringkali (termasuk aku) menyayangkan kondisi orang-orang yang ada di sekelilingku. Sering mereka membuatku sedih dan bimbang. Padahal harusnya aku bersyukur masih memiliki orang-orang seperti itu di dalam hidupku. Dan masih banyak berbagai 'padahal-padahal..' lainnya. Terkadang kita juga iri dengan apa yang orang lain miliki, tapi percaya, semua manusia punya masalahnya masing-masing. Jadilah diri sendiri, dengan berbagai kekuatan dan kelemahan yang ada. 

Lalu ada satu lagi. Hal yang pasti setiap manusia memilikinya: Dosa. Pernahkah kamu berada di satu titik di mana kamu merasa bahwa kamu nggak lagi pantas untuk meminta maaf kepadaNya? Pernahkah kamu merasa begitu rendah di hadapannya? Penuh dengan dosa, penuh dengan kemunafikan, penuh dengan segala hal yang merendahkan derajatmu di hadapanNya. Pernahkah kamu begitu takut untuk meminta ampunanNya karena kamu merasa bahwa dosamu sudah begitu menggunung dan kamu sudah terlalu banyak meminta 'kesempatan kedua'?

Sebenarnya pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini tidak tahu aku bagaimana cara untuk melanjutkannya. Dan kalau kamu pernah merasakan hal-hal di atas, ayo kita sama-sama terus berusaha untuk menjadi diri yang lebih baik, menjadi manusia yang diberikan Ridha olehNya. Berbaik sangka padaNya, untuk bisa mengampuni dosa-dosa kita. Malu, kalau terus-terusan mencoba menjadi sempurna di mata manusia, tapi tidak mau berusaha sedikit lebih keras untukNya, Pencipta dan Pelindung kita semua. Nothing is impossible for Him to do. There are always second chances. Even a saint has a past, and a sinner has a future. Good night.  

-this is to remind myself of how chances are always there.

i'm not too late to sober, i'm not too late to ask for forgiveness. 

i just wanna be a good person-

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